She is gone...

In the evening of September the 1st, losing the struggle against the aftermath of a stroke and the cancer that was found in her body, my mother has died at the age of 60.

It was ensured that she would never have to suffer great physical pain and everyone visited her often to not be so alone over the long days in bed. However being paralized on her left and in a hospital which she dreaded so much, being helpless to do things on her own and unable to live normally and selfsupportive has been very hard for her and I am so sorry that her life ended in this way with her last two weeks being spent in such psychological misery for her. It hurt me and kept me sleepless to know of my mother being so sad and troubled in her situation and I so wished for her to recover quickly to become mobile again for her to feel better again to then fight the cancer at her best.

She had been recovering a little, regaining some feeling in her side and we had hope, but she always has been very weak from going so critical and suffering of the stroke back in that terrible night now three weeks ago and so she never got to regain control over her left side again yet in this short time, before she would become even weaker over the days of last weekend, when she eventually fell into coma and passed away.


She was a strong woman who always went on and somehow made it through, no matter how hard the troubles, sorrows and financial problems of our life were and she always had my back about issues of my own to protect me. Likewise she was liked and now is being missed at the social offices she worked for.

She will not only be greatly missed but was very much relied on in our frankly poor, sick and troubled family and where she was is a void now, very hard to be made up for. Living was practically based around her being the only one of us still healthy to have a proper job and she also was the one who knew and managed the needs and liabilities of life the best and properly, from knowing everyone's favorite food articles to dealing with legal and financial papers.
In my illness I am little more than a big child still when it comes to such things and I would have needed her at least for several more years to try and learn from her at least to know how to handle a living, even though everything is overwhelming me in my condition anyhow. ...but now she is gone in such short time and we will somehow have to manage living without her aid and support. Life always has become poorer, sicker and harder for us over all these years but we somehow all endured it especially with my mother being by our side and being there to somehow make us survive everything without hitting rock bottom.

... *sighs heavily*

I would have wished for a happier end for you, mom. You would have deserved it after all this stress and sorrow of all our lives. I am so sorry and thank you for having been there for me.

I love you