Back to online living on a new PC

Actually I have been for a while now, however still rather quiet after what has happened and with the problems that are still very much going on afterwards.

But I do have a properly working computer again now thanks to the generous help of a dear friend (you know who you are).

"Properly" is putting it lightly actually.
While I had to use a weak, old PC over the months to have any kind of text contact to friends at all (it couldn't play video, let alone render much 3D and was choking on running Windows XP alone) after my computer completely broke down ..I now have what me and my friend jokingly referred to as a "supahputah" all the time while waiting to be able to get it for me and trying to stay cheerful.

I would have never thought that I would have such a beast of a PC one day as poor as my family has been all my life. I was just hoping that my PC would last me as long as possible until it broke a couple of months ago. I am truly grateful for this gift to help me out in such tough times, not only bringing me back to being able to live my social life fully and be able to be myself in SL again, but all around improving very much on what I used to have. It will hopefully last through the next 5-10 years before it would break from the constant use as well. This thing is so frikkin powerful. Thank you so much, dear.

For the curious and tech-savvy I'll post the hardware specs. This PC is self-built by the way.
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Mainboard: Gigabyte GA-M720-US3 (AM2/AM2+ socket)

CPU: AMD Phenom II X2 550 3,1GHz (dual-core processor)

RAM: Samsung 4GB DDR2 (only 3GB available in XP until I can get me Windows 7 64-bit for higher memory addressing)

Graphics: Gainward Nvidia GTX 260 with 886 MB DDR3 VRAM (custom fan cooling)
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This PC might not be the fastest currently available to people who have a lot more money to waste but damn is it good! I am more than happy with the performance.
I can suddenly run SL with maximum draw distance and still cam around easily (my hardware situation back in 2006 before I got an extra 256MB RAM was that I had to restart SL with emptied cache every 5-10 minutes to be able to move at all on minimal settings), it also runs Crysis at maximum settings at very playable framerates for example and heck it even runs crappy console ports okay that the developers didn't bother to optimize for PC architecture.
I can't thank my friend enough for this amazing gift that shall help to make my sick, little life more bearable again for the coming years. You've brought back my ability to have a social life as myself in SL again and to have some fun and happiness while the First Life times are tougher than ever. Thank you so much <3

She is gone...

In the evening of September the 1st, losing the struggle against the aftermath of a stroke and the cancer that was found in her body, my mother has died at the age of 60.

It was ensured that she would never have to suffer great physical pain and everyone visited her often to not be so alone over the long days in bed. However being paralized on her left and in a hospital which she dreaded so much, being helpless to do things on her own and unable to live normally and selfsupportive has been very hard for her and I am so sorry that her life ended in this way with her last two weeks being spent in such psychological misery for her. It hurt me and kept me sleepless to know of my mother being so sad and troubled in her situation and I so wished for her to recover quickly to become mobile again for her to feel better again to then fight the cancer at her best.

She had been recovering a little, regaining some feeling in her side and we had hope, but she always has been very weak from going so critical and suffering of the stroke back in that terrible night now three weeks ago and so she never got to regain control over her left side again yet in this short time, before she would become even weaker over the days of last weekend, when she eventually fell into coma and passed away.


She was a strong woman who always went on and somehow made it through, no matter how hard the troubles, sorrows and financial problems of our life were and she always had my back about issues of my own to protect me. Likewise she was liked and now is being missed at the social offices she worked for.

She will not only be greatly missed but was very much relied on in our frankly poor, sick and troubled family and where she was is a void now, very hard to be made up for. Living was practically based around her being the only one of us still healthy to have a proper job and she also was the one who knew and managed the needs and liabilities of life the best and properly, from knowing everyone's favorite food articles to dealing with legal and financial papers.
In my illness I am little more than a big child still when it comes to such things and I would have needed her at least for several more years to try and learn from her at least to know how to handle a living, even though everything is overwhelming me in my condition anyhow. ...but now she is gone in such short time and we will somehow have to manage living without her aid and support. Life always has become poorer, sicker and harder for us over all these years but we somehow all endured it especially with my mother being by our side and being there to somehow make us survive everything without hitting rock bottom.

... *sighs heavily*

I would have wished for a happier end for you, mom. You would have deserved it after all this stress and sorrow of all our lives. I am so sorry and thank you for having been there for me.

I love you

Life's a bitch, so is cancer and bad timing

I'm writing this just to let some of my close friends know why I am not showing up anymore.

About two weeks ago my PC broke down on me... It is likely the mainboard as it's not even booting the BIOS anymore. So it's dead for good.
This comes at the worst timing too as my mother has suffered a stroke, has a severely damaged liver and has been found to have cancer metastases in her body. I had howled and cried like a seal in the night of her stroke, being scared of losing her. She is in hospital now, her left side still paralyzed and chemo therapy is carefully being attempted, but she is very weak.
Not exactly a time in which it helps to be cut off from my closest friends and my Second Life or not to get some mental distraction, but alas that's the luck life throws at me sometimes. I had thought I pretty much had hit bottom already in the past but it can always get worse still, right?.

I am writing this using a very outdated old PC that chokes and crashes just trying to run my Windows so I am naturally unable to take part in my Second Life anymore or do other common activities. I am lucky I can even get this done. With my luck it might break too with the stress I am putting on it to have any contact at all.
We can't afford replacing any hardware as we barely have enough money for living at all now and the additional expenses of gasoline to get to the hospital for visits aren't helping.
My only hope now is that a friend of mine has offered to help me out to get new hardware, which I am very very very grateful for and this hope is what keeps me sane and avoid the mental breakdown I would have if I were to be cut off from my close friends due to our financial situation. It will likely take a couple of month still though until I have a functional PC again.

So I'll be back when I'll be back. *sigh*